Eddie Izzard Quotes

My sexuality is straight transvestite or male lesbian. It seems we are beyond the idea that I am gay and hiding it. If I had to describe how I feel in my head, I'd say I'm a complete boy plus half a girl. I don't seem to have the sixth sense that women have or their stronger senses of taste and smell. Gay men can also have it but straight men don't.

But with dogs, we do have "bad dog". Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The dog is saying, "Who are you to judge me? You human beings who've had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!"
I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying "I wish I had breasts", I was thinking the same thing.
Well, if you put it that way, I think you've got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.
My sexuality is straight transvestite or male lesbian. It seems we are beyond the idea that I am gay and hiding it. If I had to describe how I feel in my head, I'd say I'm a complete boy plus half a girl. I don't seem to have the sixth sense that women have or their stronger senses of taste and smell. Gay men can also have it but straight men don't.
I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.
If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, "Heimlich maneuver", and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say "Heimlich maneuver" when you're choking to death.
Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says: "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"
MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic
Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.
I'm an action transvestite really, so it's running, jumping, climbing trees... putting on make-up when you're up there!
He was a genius. To think all these years on, his comedy is still making us laugh on Charlie Chaplin.
The NRA says "guns don't kill people, people do." But I think that the gun helps. You know? I think it helps. I think that if you just walked around going "Bang!" you wouldn't kill too many people would you? You'd have to be really dogdy on the heart for that to work. I think that people should just try that. Walk around going "BANG, BANG, BOOM, RATTA TAT, BOOM, RATTA TAT, BOOM!" I think that they should just try it.
Now, You say "erbs" and we say "herbs" because there's a fucking h in it!
Pol Pot killed one point seven million Cambodians, died under house arrest, well done there. Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, aged seventy-two, well done indeed. And the reason we let them get away with it is they killed their own people. And we're sort of fine with that. Hitler killed people next door. Oh, stupid man. After a couple of years we won't stand for that, will we?
Women have this vast variety of lingerie, stockings and tights and different patterns, and shoes, with different-sized heels, in red and black, and skirts - short, long, with slits - push-the-boob things... there's so much around in women's things that is erotic. While men have: shirt shirt shirt jumper shirt jumper jacket jumper shirt jacket trousers trousers shirt trousers flat shoes.
That's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Sail halfway around the world, stick a flag in. "I claim India for Britain." And they're going, "You can't claim us. We live here! There's five hundred million of us." "Do you have a flag?" "We don't need a flag, this is our country you bastard."
I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from
How to survive boarding school. Do not express emotion, do not feel emotion, do not have emotion. If someone hits you, hit them back; if someone argues with you, argue back - never give an inch, never look vulnerable and you will survive.
I want to succeed in America where, unlike Britain, they do not regard ambition as being the same as eating babies.

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